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DR. RAPOSO TOOLS FOR EVERYDAY LIFE

FIVE KEY TOOLS

 

TOOL # 1  -  ONE HAND MODEL™
FIVE LEVELS OF EMPOWERING & NON-JUDGMENTAL COMMUNICATION PROCESS
(ACKNOWLEDGE, LIKE, AGREE, UNDERSTAND, ACCEPT)

 


1.  ALWAYS ACKNOWLEDGE THE PERSON FIRST

1. “I hear you… you said…         (repeat it back as best as possible)”
2. “Do you hear that I heard you?”       (after repeating it back to them)
3. “I believe you that is how you feel … that was real for you…”
4. “I get that, this is your reality…your perception… your experience…”
5. “I can only imagine how that must be for you…”
6. KEYS TO REMEMBER: you or the person do not have to like it, agree, understand it or approve of what you or they are saying.  Level 1 allows you and/or the person to feel HEARD and ACKNOWLEDGED first!


AND

2.    LIKE IT OR NOT

1. “While I may not like it…or…I get that you don’t like what I am saying to you…” or
2. “I imagine you don’t like it…I hear that you don’t like it…”or
3. “I believe you that you don’t like it…”or
4. “I get that you want me to want to like this and…” or
5. “Actually, we both have the right not to like it…” or
6. “I even understand that you wouldn’t and don’t like it---- for this is not your reality…”

AND

3.    AGREE OR NOT 

1. “I hear that you don’t agree…or... I don’t agree with you…”or
2. “We don’t agree because we don’t value the same things…”or
3. “We don’t agree because one of us would have to change too much…” or
4. “We may not have to agree on this issue in order to compromise…we each change one thing”… or
5. “I believe you can’t and will not agree with me …” or 
6. “We may never agree on this specific issue…”

AND

4.     UNDERSTAND IT OR NOT 

1. “I don’t expect you to understand the situation or my perception…” or
2. “My reality is my experience, not yours…I understand and accept that…” or
3. “It is not about you or me having to understand it …although it would be nice to…” or
4. “Perhaps, I need to verbalize better my own understanding, my own experience…” or
5. “Do you really want to see what I see, what I have experienced? ” or
6. “Again, I believe you and can even understand how you can not understand my situation …” or
7. “Although I would love for you to understand it or for me to understand you…” and/or 
8. “The fact remains that the situation is what it is, your experience is yours, and my experience is my reality!”

AND

5.     IT IS USEFUL, WISE and PRACTICAL  TO ACCEPT  WHAT IS FOR NOW!

1. “I am sorry that we don’t see eye-to-eye on this one, and this is my reality…” or
2. “Although I don’t like it, agree or understand it…I choose to accept your or my decision…” or 
3. “My situation/issue is independent of your approval…it is what it is…” or
4. “While your approval would be nice, it is me who has to live with this “not-nice” situation…” or
5. “I get that it will be inconvenient for you and…it is also or will be an inconvenience for me too…”  or
6. “I accept that you don’t like it, agree or understand my reality…I don’t like it either…”  or
7. “I simply request that you ACCEPT WHAT IS…our or my reality in life’s terms …” and/or
8. “I am letting you know that I have ACCEPTED my choice, decision and the reality of this situation!”

 

 

FIVE POWERFUL KEYS TO MEMORIZE ABOUT THE ONE HAND MODEL™: 
 

1. Please make a serious effort to separate the situation/stressor (the facts) from the person’s personality –as much as possible, separate the concrete facts from your perception and/or feelings of the situation and person.

2. Instead, focus on acknowledging and accepting that the situation/stressor is difficult and that the person or the
relationship may possibly be separated from the discomfort of the current reality. 

3. Again, it is wiser to focus on the concrete facts of the situation/stressor versus on your own immediate feelings of discomfort about the person, the situation/stressor, and the implied changes in your life.

4. Therefore, by acknowledging and accepting the facts of the situation/stressor in life’s terms you will free and empower yourself to assert and establish your boundaries with that person and the situation.

5. Finally, through this Empowering and Non-judgmental Communication Model you may evolve to experience from a deeper understanding, empathy, compassion, to possibly, in certain situations, even experience or express forgiveness for that person, the situation and/or yourself!

 

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